THE HOPE
EA HAS TO OFFER
Know yourself - be
honest
Emotional
illness can cripple us mentally, physically, and spiritually. It has no
respect for intelligence, education, wealth, or social status. It affects not
only ourselves but those who live with us and love us. This illness becomes a
family illness.
When
we are in the midst of emotional illness, it is hard to realize its enormity.
We can understand and assess its vastness after we see the changes we and
others have made with the help of the Emotions Anonymous twelve-step program.
Let
us look at ourselves and at the help Emotions Anonymous has to offer. Let us
see what we can do today to move toward emotional health and happiness.
THE ILLNESS
It
is sometimes hard for us to realize how healthy or sick we are. In our search
for self-worth and identity, we may have unknowingly set unrealistic ideals and
goals for ourselves. Because our ideals are too high and we can never live up
to these unrealistic expectations, our sense of self-worth is low. How can we
but fall? Some of these statements might describe us:
·
We want no conflict, but
we still have conflict.
·
We want life to be
perfect here and now, but it is far from perfect.
·
We want to have constant
pleasure, but we have pain.
·
We so much want to
succeed in everything we do that, when we fail in one area, we reject all our
actions and ourselves as well.
·
We become very fearful.
·
We try to impress other
people by being someone we are not, by being phony.
·
We find ourselves being
resentful toward other people and life in general.
·
We become experts at
manipulating people. We become extremely self-centered.
Many
of these things happen gradually, and we may not even be aware of their
presence and influence in our lives. Emotional illness can be progressive and
chronic. If it is not faced and dealt with, it can lead to physical illness,
illness brought on by our emotions. In the extreme, we might end up in a mental
institution or commit suicide.
Our
physical well-being is affected by our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions. Some
of us have tried to avoid getting help for our emotional problems by
questioning whether we have a physical illness, a mental illness, or a
spiritual illness. Body, mind, and spirit make up our total human self. Each is
an integral part of us and each is influenced by the others. We really cannot
divide ourselves as human beings.
In
the Emotions Anonymous program, we do not analyze emotional illness. We do not
label and categorize everything. We stop using our feelings of uniqueness as an
excuse. We stop comparing ourselves with others. We stop blaming ourselves and
others. We stop feeling sorry for ourselves, being defiant, and denying our
illness. We stop making excuses and trying to convince ourselves we are
different from others. These kinds of behaviors prevent us from being honest.
The only purpose they serve is to perpetuate our illness. We can get help in
Emotions Anonymous if we really want to be well.
We
keep ourselves from becoming well; no one else does. It is our own
responsibility to become well. Only when we choose to act on this
responsibility will we gain the ability to recover our emotional health. If we
take responsibility, we can put our past behind us and start anew, living one
day at a time; but it takes conscious effort on our part. At first it may not
be easy, but it is possible. We need only to begin today.
THE
NATURE OF THE HUMAN MIND
While
we cannot fully understand the workings of the human mind, we know it is
influenced by everything we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. Many actions we
do everyday become habits and are done automatically. For the most part this is
good; otherwise, we would have to learn reading, walking, eating, and many
other things again and again.
Along
with habits of action, we also develop habits of thought. Our thought patterns
help form our attitudes toward life. These attitudes have the potential to make
us well or sick, happy or miserable. It all depends on how we choose to think.
Here are some questions to consider:
·
Is my cup half-full or
half-empty?
·
Is a failure someone who
does not succeed, or someone who never tries?
·
Do I feel I can do
something today to help myself?
·
Am I able to forgive and
forget injuries against me?
·
Do I need other people?
·
If something is worth
doing, is it worth doing even if not done perfectly?
·
Am I able to see the
good in myself?
·
Is happiness a matter of
chance?
·
Do I think turning to a
Higher Power can help me?
·
Are my emotional
problems too unique to be helped?
·
Am I too old to change?
What thought patterns do you follow? Do your answers to these questions leave the door open for growth? Do they allow you to develop to your fullest potential? If so, this indicates a positive outlook.
With
a positive outlook we know we can have feelings of self-worth. We can be happy
in spite of problems. We can have energy to do our daily tasks. We can feel
useful; we feel we belong. We are able to adjust to life even if life does not
measure up to our expectations. Peace of mind can be ours even when we are
faced with difficulties. We can have a purpose to our lives; we can radiate
warmth and love. We can be optimistic and accept ourselves and others.
If,
on the other hand, our answers indicate a rejection of self, criticism of
others, feelings of hopelessness, or a defeatist attitude, then they reflect
negative thinking on our part. We may have symptoms such as anxiety, panic,
abnormal fears, guilt, depression, self-pity, remorse, worry, insomnia,
tension, loneliness, withdrawal, boredom, fatigue, or despair. We may
experience compulsive behaviors, obsessive thoughts, suicidal or homicidal
tendencies, psychosomatic and physical illnesses. If we are experiencing any
of these symptoms, we must change our thought patterns or we likely will stay
sick.
In
the ordinary course of a day a great many thoughts pass through our minds.
Naturally, some of them may be negative. It is not the occasional negative
thought which causes us trouble. It is when we dwell on it, deny it, or feel
guilty about it that it grows into a problem.
When
we first developed our negative attitudes, we did so to protect ourselves from
the pain of being rejected by others or ourselves. We chose our behaviors and
attitudes to escape from reality and from the responsibility we have for ourselves
and our actions. These attitudes seemed to help us for a time, but, as we built
negative thought after negative thought, we became engulfed in such painful
symptoms that we did not know where to turn.
Some of us sought help
but could not accept the help which was offered. We may have wanted
independence and hated ourselves for the dependence we felt. We may have felt
too dependent on others and isolated ourselves. What we needed was
interdependence with people in healthy sharing relationships. We compared
ourselves with everyone; therefore, we felt inferior or superior instead of
recognizing the common humanity we all share.
Our symptoms allowed
us to avoid the reality of today, the reality we could not seem to face. Little
did we realize that reality is heaven compared to the hell we live in with our
symptoms.
AWARENESS
We
finally come to realize our true state of emotional health and to say, “I have
to get well. I can't stand living like this any longer. If I don't get well I'm
going to lose everything - my family, my friends, my job, my peace of mind. I’m
hurting myself and everyone with whom I come in contact.”
Intellectually
we may understand this dilemma, but, in our illness, we build up such a pattern
of negative thoughts and attitudes toward life that change cannot come
overnight. Responding inadequately to emotional situations has been a habit too
long. Our intellect says, "I want to get well and stay well." Our
emotions say, “I don’t want to let go of my old attitudes and behaviors. These
are all I know, and I am afraid of change, afraid of the unknown.”
Before
we can be well, we must realize we are not meant to be perfect for only God is
perfect. We are meant to be perfectly human, and that means to be ourselves.
Admittedly, we see many faults in ourselves, but we also discover many good
qualities we never knew we had. Being ourselves may mean we have to change. We
are always growing and discovering a little more about ourselves. There is joy
and satisfaction in this discovery.
Having
emotional problems should cause no more guilt than having cancer or heart
disease. The guilt comes when we know we are sick, but we reject the help
available. The question then is, “Do I want to get well more than I want to
stay sick?” We must all answer this question for ourselves.
What can we do about our illness, about the
enormity of it? Until we accept
the fact of our illness, we cannot take the necessary steps to get well.
MOVING IN THE RIGHT
DIRECTION
The
twelve-step program of Emotions Anonymous is the answer to our problems. The first step of the Twelve Steps is to
admit we are powerless over our emotions and that we are no longer able to
manage our lives. We admit this on both
an intellectual level and an emotional or gut level. This first step may not be easy.
By
admitting we are powerless over our emotions and that our lives are
unmanageable, we admit we are not self-sufficient. Are we too self-centered or self-important to make such an
admission? If we want to be well, we
must admit some power in the universe is greater than we are. We must become willing to turn our wills and
lives over to the care of a Higher Power.
This surrender is necessary if we want to get well. Fight as we might, this is one place where
surrender brings true victory.
The
Emotions Anonymous program is a daily living program. We do not merely join it.
We try to live it - all Twelve Steps of it. We find it works. It can
work for anyone who is honest with himself or herself EA is a program of
honesty. By being honest with
ourselves, we can learn to live peacefully with unsolved problems. This is serenity. As we apply this program, we find we become free, free at last to
be ourselves. If we want to be well, we
will learn the Twelve Steps and use them.
EA is our chance to learn how to live.
If we stay sick, we have no one to blame but ourselves.
By
being patient with ourselves, we can become happier than we ever dreamed was
possible. The more we are able to share
our strengths, hopes, and imperfections, the more we can grow.
It
is in the third step that we make a decision to turn our will and our lives
over to the care of our Higher Power.
Making the decision is the difficult part here, but it can be done if we
work the program. No one can do it for
us. We have to let go of our old ways
of self-dependency.
We find hope as we
attend EA meetings and meet other people who have found help by working this
twelve-step program. A chance to be
well is something some of us did not know was possible. As we attend our weekly meetings we no
longer feel alone. At last we feel we
belong somewhere. We are among people
who understand.
The love and
acceptance we experience in the group help us to accept ourselves. When others accept us as we are, we can more
readily accept ourselves. We are then
free to change.
Acceptance does not
necessarily mean we will like who we are.
Nor does acceptance mean we will stay as we are. Acceptance means admitting who we are at
this moment and realizing we are powerless to change ourselves by willpower
alone. Acceptance means being realistic
about ourselves and saying what we really feel, instead of what we think we
should feel or what society says we should feel. When others accept our feelings without trying to analyze them or
judge them, we find the courage to be more honest about ourselves. In this atmosphere we do indeed grow.
As we grow, we
experience the pain of healing since there is pain connected with recovery from
every illness, whether physical or emotional.
This healing pain is a sign of our opening up to life and self, it is a
feeling of newness, of discovery. We
find the rewards of an enriched life to be greater than the pain. If we heal, we will grow. If we do not, we will surely die, at least
inside. As we grow, we become the
unique people we are capable of being.
With the help of the
Twelve Steps, we find a new way of life.
With the acceptance and encouragement of the friends we make in the
program, we learn to love and accept ourselves and others. With the help of a Higher Power, we find the
serenity to accept what we cannot change, the courage to change what we can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
With the help of the Twelve Steps, our new friends, and our Higher
Power, we find ourselves and the reason for our existence. The choice is ours.
EMOTIONAL ILLNESS AND RECOVERY
Below is shown the progression of symptoms that many
people may experience when in the downward cycle of emotional illness or in the
upward cycle of emotional recovery. We
may not all experience each symptom nor follow this exact order, and this list
is not meant to be all-inclusive. Also,
everyone will sink to a different depth before admitting defeat and becoming
ready to accept help, this we call our emotional bottom. We can start upward toward
recovery from our own emotional bottom when we truly accept the help which the
EA twelve-step program offers us.
Most of us want instant recovery, but that is not
possible. As with any illness, recovery
needs proper treatment and care, and the time for that to work. However, often our emotional recovery will
be much faster than time spent getting sick.
We need only be honest, open minded, and willing to work at our recovery.
DOWNWARD
CYCLE OF EMOTIONAL ILLNESS
·
I
have minor
difficulties.
·
I
feel sad.
·
I
have more and more problems.
·
I
have disagreements with family and friends.
·
I
feel worried and anxious.
·
I
am irritable.
·
I
indulge in excessive daydreaming.
·
I
feel guilty.
·
I
feel depressed.
·
I
have psychosomatic ailments.
·
I
am losing interest in activities.
·
I
feel indifferent about most things.
·
I
make excuses.
·
I
try a change of location.
·
I
blame other people and situations.
·
I
feel inferior.
·
I
withdraw and avoid people.
·
I
develop chronic depression.
·
I
am unable to function.
·
I
feel extremely lonely.
·
I
am preoccupied with myself and my problems.
·
I
am unable to concentrate.
·
I
make varied and frustrating attempts to get help.
·
I
am afraid of living and of dying.
·
I
have an irrational but overwhelming fear.
·
I
feel panic and terror.
·
I
abuse drugs.
·
I
can no longer rely on my alibi system.
·
I
feel I am a failure.
·
I
consider suicide.
·
I
am in complete despair.
UPWARD
CYCLE OF EMOTIONAL RECOVERY
·
I
am at my emotional bottom.
·
I
admit complete defeat.
·
I
have an honest desire to get well.
·
I
find the fellowship of Emotions Anonymous.
·
I
feel hopeful.
·
I
accept help and find some relief
·
I
learn emotional illness can be relieved.
·
I
find relief from tension.
·
I
attend EA meetings regularly.
·
I
feel optimistic.
·
I
benefit from the shared experience of the program.
·
I
work the Twelve Steps.
·
I
meet recovering
people who were formerly ill.
·
I
increase my faith in a Higher Power.
·
I
learn new attitudes, feelings, and values.
·
I
seek help with my fourth-step inventory.
·
I
can laugh again.
·
I
am not as fearful.
·
I
gain self-respect and begin to like myself
·
I
am grateful.
·
I
am able to accept reality.
·
I
am happier.
·
I
accept my responsibilities.
·
I
feel a sense of well-being.
·
I
am able to love again.
·
I
have more faith and courage.
·
I
find life becomes smoother.
·
I
know the joy of living.
·
I
understand serenity and peace of mind.
(excerpt from the
book, Emotions Anonymous, available through http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/)